“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22.

Far from being a ‘thing’, and not just any wife, but a  “true and faithful” one (AMP), she is an indispensable aid to a fulfilling life.  

But it is not as though that is all she is.  Despite being designated as a “helper suitable to him” (Genesis 2:18), under New Testament revelation she is a “joint-heir of the grace of life (1 Peter 3:7).  So it is that from the perspective of both, a wife, a good one, is a gift from God.  And not only this, if a man wishes favor from the Lord, let him pursue–and find–the woman ordained for him.  

Today marks Barb’s and mine 48th wedding anniversary, and we both thank the Lord for His wonderful grace in not only keeping us together all these years, but blessing our relationship with each other.  It is not as though we are perfect–Barbara nearly is; me, not so much.  But the emphasis here is on her, not me.  So I continue.  

“An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones” (Proverbs 12:4).  

You can see here the difference between a good wife and a not-so-good one. I thank God He has given me the former.  If a crown here signifies honor, splendor, and dignity (Webster 1828)–which it does, then it is apparent how a true and faithful wife embellishes her husband.  The Passion Translation puts it like this, “The integrity and strength of a virtuous wife transforms her husband into an honored king.”  You could say that she makes him what he is. Or, behind a righteous man is an even more righteous wife.  Or, if a man is perceived to be good, it is his wife that makes him so.   Which is why a man ought esteem his wife above himself; if he cares for himself, he will care for his wife more so (see Ephesians 5).  

“House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord” (Proverbs 19:14).  

I mentioned this earlier; your wife is a gift from God.  Not just any old wife, mind you, but a prudent one.  There are others who are not so; whether they are gifts may be questionable.  But a sensible wife?  She is from the Lord.  The NET Bible Notes gives this explanation,

“This statement describes a wife who has a skillful use of knowledge and discretion that proves to be successful. This contrasts with the preceding verse. The proverb is not concerned about unhappy marriages or bad wives (both of which exist); it simply affirms that when a marriage works out well one should credit it as a gift from God.”

They should say, however, that “when a marriage works out well one should credit it” as a “gift from God,” for sure, but also the wife.  

A prudent wife is a wise, sensible, and understanding one.  She is wise in practice.  Cautious but not hesitating.  She likely has a heart larger than her husband, and insight keener than his.  Which is why a man ought lister carefully to her.  It is a proud man, a stupid one, who does not give his wife the time of day.  

A woman like this is hard to find–which is why it says she is a gift from God.  Proverbs 31:10 puts it like this:  “An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.”  A man who puts his pursuits ahead of his wife makes a big mistake.  His treasure is not ‘out there’, but under his nose, in his own home.  He is a wealthy man who has an excellent wife.  Let Him “trust in her, and he will have no lack of gain.” She will do “him good and not evil all the days of her life” (11-12).  

I believe I indicated she makes him what he is.  Verse 22 of this chapter says, “Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.”

This has been my experience–thank God.  Whenever someone congratulates us on our years of marriage, I always say, “It’s her fault.”  Why?  Because it is.  Barbara is the one who holds this thing together.  She is the glue of the marriage.  Of course, it is God who does it, but He has given me Barb and uses her in sealing this deal.  

Finally, a word on marriage.  Of course, it is designed by God to be between a man and a woman (thank God!).  It is a mysterious representation of God’s eternal plan for the church and the Lord Jesus (again, Ephesians 5).  And, it is intended by God to be “as the days of heaven upon the earth” (Deuteronomy 11:21 KJV).  Though on my part I have a very long way to go to being the quality of husband Barbara deserves, especially as it pertains to loving her the way Christ does His church, she on her part is well above and beyond in being the kind of wife the Bible describes as a “good thing.”  That she is.  

Some years ago the USA Weekend magazine ran a cover story entitled, “Should You Be Locked Into Marriage?”  Citing 250,000 marriage to occur that month with half of them destined to end in divorce, I’d say the answer is a resounding “Yes!”  If you enter matrimony, you need to plan on staying there — permanently.

Marriage is a solemn, lifelong agreement not to be entered into or taken lightly.  Its roots date back to the Bible book of Genesis, where God, after presenting Eve to Adam, said “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”

What God has joined together, let no man separate.

My friend Bob, a long-time mid-Michigan resident, proudly told me of his upcoming 36th wedding anniversary.  He and his wife Jan are Catholic, and believe so strongly in marriage they taught Premarital Instruction for over 10 years at their church.  He explained to me what they’ve taught young couples planning to wed.  He said, “Marriage is like a job; you need to work at it.”

I later asked Bob and Jan what were some of the things couples need to work at for a successful marriage.

First and foremost, they told me, was communication.  Husbands and wives, no matter how long they have been married, need to take time to talk every day.  They must be willing to listen and be considerate of their partner.  They should try to make each other feel important and treat each other with respect.

Second, Jan says, is if there is a fight, fight fair.  In other words, don’t attack your spouse because of a disagreement, but try  to discuss the matter in a rational way.  Seek to focus on the good points.  Be willing to be wrong, or wronged, for the sake of the relationship.  Most importantly, forgive each other.  Don’t become bitter or carry grudges.

The third thing Bob and Jan told me was don’t take your spouse for granted.  When a man and a woman first meet and fall in love, they are enamored with each other. Don’t let that feeling die.  Don’t allow friends or other things to take the place of your marriage partner.  Keep that special place in your heart for him or her.

I am grateful to God for people like Bob and Jan.  You can tell they are practicing what they preach.  I am also thankful for my parents, who have been married over 62 years.  And for my wife Barb, who has stayed with me, despite my flaws, for 41 years.

Marriage is God’s idea.  He hates divorce.  My prayer is that in a day when broken relationships are normal. and where children are scarred because of divorce, the sacred institution of marriage will once again be recognized and upheld, both in practice and by law. It will again be seen as a lifelong commitment of love, “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, as long as both shall live.”

Should you be locked in to marriage? By all means.